Always Starting Over
by its a story of love
Summary: Regina Centric- some OQ, Regal Believer, Hood Mills Family and Missing archer. Everyone has a favourite toy, one that you can't throw away. It means too much and no one understands how much it means until the moment you need it most.


**I don't know what this is, it's ridiculous, but it is the first thing I have liked in about 2 months so I'm going with it. Please let me know what you think! Also this was supposed to be fluffy...and then it wasn't. I'm sorry**

 **Unbeta'd and I own nothing but my crazy idea.**

Everyone has that toy, the one that has an ear and an eye missing, it's not quite as fluffy as it used to be. The fur is matted and the stitches are coming undone. It's survived countless Summer clearouts. You can't throw it away because for one you've seen Toy Story and for another because it's been always been there.

Regina kept very little from her childhood, not that there was much to keep. Her mother had never been one to give her cuddly toys. Toys weren't suitable for future Queens she'd chastised. He father, somehow managed to sneak her one every birthday and every year it was her favourite gift. Her favourite gift of them all was a small stuffed fox her father had given her when she was 5 or 6, she couldn't quite remember. He'd given it to her, and laughed when she'd asked why a fox.

"Foxes, in some cultures are seen to mean Wisdom, they are a guide to knowledge. They are cunning and brave. Just like you my dear"

The fox, Basil, was so special to her because it is the first thing, that she can remember anyway, that felt like hers and no one else's.

She'd snuck Basil outside on that day and ran around the gardens, chasing this and that. That afternoon she'd set up a tea party with Basil and some of his friends, Basil got along with all the other toys really well. It was one of the best days ever until her mother called for her lessons, and even then it was almost bearable. She needed to be smart to impress Basil.

She'd treasured that fox every day since.

That's the thing about the special toy is that it's there in the good days, in the days that seem to never end, in the awful days where you want to rip your heart out. It's only a toy, except it isn't

/

She nearly got rid of Basil, after she'd killed her father. It was a too painful of reminder. Of how her father had defied her mother in the smallest of ways, how he'd tried his hardest to make her smile, to make her believe, to save her. She wished it had been enough. She wished she could be as strong as he was. She wasn't. She was weak. Love was weakness. Her mother had been right. It didn't make losing the one you loved most any easier.

She'd crushed his heart and ran to her bedroom, clutching Basil against her chest before flinging it to the floor. She was the great and terrible evil queen, she didn't cry into a teddy bear.

/

She'd thought she'd lost it within the curse, but it had turned up when she needed it most- the day she decided to adopt Henry.

She was nervous, terrified would be more accurate, but basil had appeared in the bottom of her wardrobe, it was only later that she had appreciated the irony, and stroking his bushy tail and holding him tight, she put it in her bag. It was going to be ok, somehow.

Henry had loved it. He hated her. But he loved Basil, his eyes darted to try and keep up with the tail, his little hands trying to grab it, it made Regina's heart melt.

Of course a toy fox is only a child's favourite for so long and Henry moved onto a stuffed bear, and then onto comic books and superheroes.

Regina kept it though, not quite knowing why, she hadn't taken it out until a couple of years ago. When Henry had come home, screaming that he'd found his real mom.

She had never been more broken than hearing her own son say that. She knew she wasn't good enough, that one day her past would catch up to her.

She'd cried herself to sleep, Basil in her arms, and she didn't feel quite so alone.

/

Robin found it hilarious. He had laughed at her for hours, and she'd wanted to be mad, tried to glare at him, but his eyes sparkled and his smile was wide and he sauntered closer, and pulled her against him, kissing her softly.

Kisses turned into wandering hands. Wondering hands turned into gasps of pleasure and their bodies moving in perfect harmony.

Regina had almost forgotten about Basil until searching desperately for her panties, Henry and Roland would be back soon.

Turns out they'd landed on Basil and she found herself apologising and Robin had chosen that moment to work out how to use the camera on his phone.

She'd manage to persuade him to delete it...and suggested watching Robin Hood at the next family film night.

/

When Robin left for New York she sought Basil again, toys were so much better than people anyway and she didn't know why she kept forgetting that.

/

He's dead. He can't be dead. She needs him. She loves him. She never told him. They were a family. They were supposed to have forever. Forever wouldn't have been long enough. He's dead. He died for her. They were soul mates. This is not the way the story ends. It can't be.

She wants to be angry. Wants to hate Zelena, and part of her does. She wants to cry. Needs to cry. No tears come. She's broken. Completely and utterly broken.

She hides herself away. She can't talk to people. People will tell her that it will be ok. That Robin was a good man. That it's unfair. That they want to help. It won't be ok. He is a good man, because she's not sure she can ever accept that he's gone. It is bloody unfair but when has her life ever been fair. They can't help. They're just being annoying.

She digs out Basil and she clutches him tight and the dam of tears bursts. She cries, for what seems like years but is probably only a few minutes.

She feels something, a spark, probably her magic and she remembers everything. The way he'd held out his hand, and she would never admit it but her heart fluttered- people usually cowered away from her- not offer to help her up. He stank of forest, but it wasn't altogether unpleasant and it smelt of him. He'd saved her arse no matter how times she'd been a bitch.

In Storybrooke, he'd almost made being so close yet so far away from Henry bearable. He'd smiled and comforted her. He'd made her feel like maybe one day it would all work out. Fate was a bitch.

She remembers their first time, and good god she wishes it was somewhere else other than the vault because it's hardly the most romantic setting. At the same time it was the perfect place, Robin didn't, had never cared about who she was, what she might have done, he cared about him. In that moment they were together, rules, honour be damned and it was perfect.

The best moments were when they'd gone to the park, the boys had ganged up and they ended up getting Ice Cream.

The first christmas had been amazing- she doesn't think she stopped smiling.

The tunnels, she should have said those three words. I love you. She didn't and that will be her biggest regret. He knew. They both knew.

Before she's really aware of what's happening the sun is coming up, Basil still clutched against her chest and for the first time since her death she feels like she can breathe.

She smiles at the rag of a fox because your special toy, it's given you back the happiest days of your life on the worst day of your doesn't fix everything not even close. She's still heartbroken, lonely, sad. Somehow though, this simple thing, that's always been there, gives you a little ray of sunshine,helps you remember the better days.

Regina gets up, gets dressed- picks one of his t-shirts, they were more comfortable than hers and a pair of jeans and knocks on Henry's door. He opens it, still sleepy, but smiles when he sees her dressed.

They go to his grave, she has to, tears prick at her eyes but she came here to talk not cry. She lies down, and imagines she's looking at the stars with him and says:

"My love, our life together on this world is over, but love I'll make you one last vow, to start over and over somehow"

 **Thank you for reading. Let me know what you thought xx**


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